wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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