i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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