my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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