so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
