is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
