We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
