I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
