Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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