smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
