Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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