He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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