if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
