Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
