Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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