I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's the barista slut.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
