He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
