Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
