At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
