so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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