I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
