You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i out mim tonsoeep
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