His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
