i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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