So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
