omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
