1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
