i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
