I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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