my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In other news, I just burned my penis
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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