I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
