We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
