this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
