I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want her autograph on my taint
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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