you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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