I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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