She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
