I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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