Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
