Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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