just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
