clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
