i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
