I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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