so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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