I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
