I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
