I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
there is glitter all over my balls
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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