I need to stop coming to work sober
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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