I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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