Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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