Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
