Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
