I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
